We live in a society (🙈), specifically one that worships wealth and makes idols of bank account balances. It’s very easy to fall into the trap of hinging your self worth on external factors such as how much money you make, the items you own, clothes you wear, or car you drive.
However, as we’ll discuss, your self worth is inherent to your existence, not predicated on material things or financial matters. While it’s important to have healthy finances, we don’t want to become consumed. By practicing financial self care, we can give our personal finances the attention they need and deserve with care and compassion for ourselves.
You can watch/listen to the Happy, Healthy, and Wealthy podcast on Spotify or YouTube, or read the transcript below!
If your self worth is tied to your financial situation, you will never be happy. And spoiler alert, your networth has nothing to do with your self worth.
Hello and welcome back to the Happy, Healthy and Wealthy podcast, the podcast where we discuss personal finance with intentionality and mindfulness. I’m Nicole. I’m the host, and I’m so happy that you’re watching or listening to this podcast. Today’s episode was inspired by some very real feelings that I’ve personally had, and that I’m sure a lot of you have also felt. Feelings of not being good enough, worthy enough, that you only have as much value as what’s in your bank account.
And this may show up very subtly, such as just wishing that you had that nice or expensive thing and feeling worse about yourself because you don’t. You feel like you can’t compete, or it may even manifest in an inferiority complex that could lead you to abandon all sense of financial responsibility, or on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, you can just be trying so hard for financial success that you burn yourself out. And neither is a good option.
So because we don’t want to fall into any of these categories, we have to address the underlying issue: your self worth. If your self worth is tied to your financial situation, you will never be happy. Andspoiler alert, your net worth has nothing to do with your self worth. Okay? You are mixing two things that just shouldn’t be mixed together, like ammonia and bleach, and then you’re suffocating on your own toxic gas. To be clear, your self worth is inherent. Okay? It exists because you exist, and tying it to external factors like your net worth or how many followers you have or whether you can touch the tip of your nose with your tongue…Anyway, it’s meaningless.
And that’s not to say that your personal finances are something to be ignored or that they don’t matter because you shouldn’t ignore them, and yes, they very much do matter. But just because you are struggling or not in the place that you want to be in doesn’t mean that you are less than or not a good person. Okay, there’s there’s no morality tied to money. Money is neutral, and it is a tool. It can be used to do really good things, fun things like pay your rent, which may not be fun, but it puts a roof over your head or buy you yummy food or buy a gift for your friend. But also, if it’s used improperly, it can result in becoming a burden or be a very negative thing, which is often seen when people are in vast amounts of debt, right? So money can have a positive or negative effect, but money in itself is neither positive nor negative.
Having money doesn’t make you a better person, and not having it doesn’t make you worse. Having money doesn’t make you greedy, and not having money doesn’t make you a saint. Money comes and goes, and when we let money affect our self worth, we are giving it an unnatural power over us. Okay, money shouldn’t control us. We should control our money. Money isn’t meant to be worshiped or avoided like the plague. It simply just is.
Giving money a meaning that it isn’t supposed to have will likely result in you feeling empty and worthless without it, or it can also keep you on the extreme side of things. It can keep you from reaching your goals due to a fear of failure, because sometimes it is just so hard to look at that bank statement and see that you have like $6 in there. And so for a lot of people, avoidance is a coping mechanism. Neither situation is good, and I don’t want that for you.
What I do want for you, however, and what I believe everyone deserves, is a good relationship with money and with their personal finances. This wasn’t something that I just automatically understood. I had to learn it over time. And I think it’s that way for a lot of people. We aren’t born just knowing these things, and a lot of times, we aren’t taught that by our parents, by our teachers, by anyone in our life. We just most often have to figure it out for ourselves, and I think that especially given the kind of society we’re in, which is a more materialistic society, it can be very hard to detach your self worth from the number in your bank account or the amount of money that you make or howexpensive your car is, but it is necessary to have a healthier relationship with money.
I always thought that having money would solve all of my problems, and I do think in a lot of ways it would and it would solve a lot of people’s problems, but the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t really about the money, it was about everything else, all the things that having money brings. For one, it’s the feeling. When you have money, you have this security of knowing that you don’t have to worry about bills. Everything is going to be paid on time. You’re not going to overdraft in your bank account. You’re not going to have to put everything on a credit card. There’s the ability to have what you want when you want it, to be generous with others and give and treat your friends to something nice, or buy a gift for your parents to thank them for everything. And honestly, I think there’s also a sense of power that comes with having money, and I don’t necessarily think that that’s a bad thing, and I think more people should be able to experience that.
Then there’s also the intangible ways that money makes your life better, right? It can keep you healthier. You can afford a gym membership, eat healthier. You can afford better medical care, more preventative treatment. It can buy you experiences you never thought you’d have, like really nice trips. It can give you more time to spend with your family and friends, help you enjoy your hobbies. I literally could go on, but I won’t. I’ll spare you. I think you get the idea.
And with all of that, how could you not feel like your self worth is linked to your net worth, right? We see people all the time, especially on social media, living these extravagant, beautiful, amazing lives that some of us could only dream of having, and yeah, that can make you really feel like crap sometimes, when you look at your life and compare it and say, “What am I even doing here?” There’s really no easy way to untangle that, but we must.
We have to stop comparing our lives to the highlight reel that is social media. That’s first and foremost. You should not be comparing. Everyone is at a different point in their life, and a lot of times of what we see on social media isn’t real. If you don’t get this by now, I’m gonna make you get it. Okay, what you see may not be the whole truth. Sure. They may have the latest and greatest products, the nicest clothes, go on the best trips. But for all you know, they finance all of that. They have thousands and thousands of dollars in debt. Okay, you don’t know that, but tell yourself that. When you look at their lives and you’re like, “Why isn’t my life like that?” because you’re not stupid and putting yourself into more debt, how does that sound? You’re not a freaking idiot.
Anyway…that tangent aside, I think it’s important that we start realizing our self worth is inherent, and it’s not reliant on how much money is in your bank account, the kind of car that you own, the clothes that you wear, or the lifestyle that you are able to afford. It is rooted in your existence as a human being, someone with the capacity for thought and creativity, love, sadness, anger, compassion, boredom and humor. You are unique, and that should be enough.
We have to stop telling ourselves the lie that we are only as worthy or we only have as much value as the money that we have, the things that we own. It’s a freaking lie. Affirm to yourself daily or as much as you need that your self worth is inherent. You may find it helpful to either write them down or speak them aloud, maybe stand in front of a mirror and say affirmations such as, “I am worthy regardless of my financial situation.” “I am not defined by my finances,” or “I align my actions with my goals,”
Along with affirming your inherent self worth, redefine your pursuit of money. Ask yourself why you want financial freedom. Because, like I said before, it’s really not often about the money itself. It’s about what that money can bring you and what you desire for your life. Do you want to retire early, pay off debt, buy your dream home? Do you want to go travel the world for a year? These are all really good goals to keep in mind when you think about why you want money, or what would make you feel happy, having a concrete idea of what you want to do with your money gives it a more fulfilling purpose or role in your life than simply existing to prop up your ego. That may be a little blunt, but it’s true.
I think that it’s also important to shift how we view managing our personal finances. If you view budgeting or living within your means as boring or a chore or something to dread, you’ll be so much less likely to actually achieve the goals that you set out for yourself, because doing the boring parts are what actually help you get there. Not only is staying on top of your finances necessary to ensure your financial health, it also keeps you updated on your progress. Viewing financial management as something that you get to do rather than something that you have to do, can really help reframe your relationship with money in a positive way.
For example, for me, I track my monthly debt payments and watching my debt balances shrink month over month has helped me stay on track, and it is so motivating to see that that progress being made. It really helps me keep pushing myself to pay it off. I really do think that if I wasn’t as strict with myself or as serious about it that I would not have been able to go from the $30,000 in debt that I had to the now $13,000 and counting down that I have now. This tracking of my debt month over month is one of the ways that I practice financial self care.
Creating my budget and sticking to it is another way. I care about my financial situation so much that I’m willing to spend a few minutes every week to go over everything that’s currently going onwith my money. It can be really, really daunting, and I think that’s why a lot of people don’t budget or they put it off. But once you have that initial setup done, it’s so much easier. And back to what I was saying before. I do think that a lot of people avoid looking at their finances as a coping mechanism. But really, how long can you avoid looking at it for you? You need to know. You have to do this for yourself. I believe that budgeting is just as important as doing a face mask, reading your favorite book, having a little bit of wine. It is super, super important, not just for your financial health, but also for your peace of mind. Knowing exactly what is going in and coming out relieves a lot of stress.
Financial self care can also look like a lot of other things. It can look like not caring about what other people think about your life or what your life should look like, and not giving into societal pressures that may cause you to spend or live above your means. It can look like prioritizing your financial goals, even if they’re not sexy or popular. (Yes, you should be putting money in your 401(K).) Financial self care could also mean setting financial boundaries with yourself or other people in your life, because it’s important that it’s both. You have to tell yourself no, just as much as you tell other people no, if not more; you’re with yourself all the time.
It can look like automating your finances to avoid decision fatigue. You know, having money automatically deposited in your savings or in your investments, or having the money automatically taken out to pay bills. And it can also even look like consulting with a professional to help you with your finances. I know it may seem a little counterintuitive to some people to spend money in order to help with their finances, and this could be seen in something as small as buying a budgeting template or as big of an expense as hiring a financial planner. But really, if you care, I think you should be willing to invest in it a little bit. You should be investing in yourself, in your finances, and with a professional, they can really help you with anything, from your taxes to investments to making sure you have the right insurance. So these are all things that are in place to help you and overall, save you money and help you reach your goals.
You can also practice financial self care by writing down your goals, which I think everyone should be doing. Maybe write it down, put it somewhere that you look frequently like, maybe on your mirror, on your wall, on your fridge. Even journal down your thoughts. Maybe what’s holding you back from your goals, what you hope to achieve. Ask yourself the miracle question, which is basically, if you were to wake up and overnight a miracle happened and your life was perfect, or exactly how you wanted it to be, what would that look like? And then you could kind of work backwards to figure out what you need to do to have that life that you want.
If you’re interested, I do have a Money Mindset Workbook that kind of walks you through some of those things. It has a lot of affirmations, it has journaling prompts, lots of spaces for you to to think and learn about yourself and your relationship with money. So I do recommend that. I’ll put a link to that in the description.
So as you move through this next season of disentangling your self worth from your net worth and focusing on financial self care, it won’t always be easy, I’m going to say that. You may find yourself being pulled back by all of those old feelings of worthlessness or shame. You may catch yourself comparing what you have to what others have. And I do think that on the base level, this is completely normal. It’s completely human to want things that we don’t have, or see what other people have and want it. But I think it’s also important that we recognize it and we stop it from going too far, we stop ourselves from spiraling into a torpedo of shame.
You also may find yourself putting off that self care that we all need, but don’t do that. You deserve it. You deserve to run yourself a really hot, nice bubble bath and sink into your own little world before thinking about what to do next, or maybe you think about it while you’re in the bubble bath. So instead of beating yourself up because we are all human, and we can only ever do our best, and sometimes our best looks different on different days, (if you know, you know), as long as you stay consistent, you will notice progress over time. And I also think you should document that progress, because it’s not going to happen in a day, but if you look back over a month, then you’ll begin to see it. Your mindset and your attitude will begin to change, and so will your actions and habits.
Don’t forget to celebrate your small victories along the way, even as something as simple as canceling a subscription or sticking with your budget for even a week, it is important to recognize what an accomplishment that is, because it is setting the foundation for future, long term financial success. You can’t expect to make progress in a year if you don’t make progress for a day or a week, even.
If you’re ready to detach your self worth from your net worth and begin partaking in some very much needed financial self care, like this video and please subscribe, thanks! If you have any tips to share, any affirmations, or even a new perspective to add to the conversation, please, please, please comment it. I would love to hear it. I just love talking about this stuff, and I really want to build a community where we can encourage each other to live our best lives, talk about finances, because I don’t think that we talk about money enough, and not in like a bragging way, but in a helpful, encouraging way. And I think a lot of people could benefit from these discussions.
So remember, regardless of what is in your bank account, you are enough and you matter. That’s all I have for now, but I’ll see you in the next one. Bye!